Wedding Etiquette

Who Pays for What?
Working out a budget for your wedding is one of the first things that should be done once the date is set. Tips for dividing the expenses. 

     

Who Pays for What? Working out a budget for your wedding is one of the first things that should be done, once the date is set.  Will the ceremony be formal, semiformal or informal?  A formal wedding, of course, will be the most expensive and the informal, the least.  Nothing is set in concrete.  Who pays for what?  Unlike a decade ago, the lines are no longer rigidly drawn. The burden of paying for the wedding has shifted in recent years from the shoulders of the father of the bride, to include the groom's family.  Also, with many couples marrying later and having money of their own, they are sharing in the expenses.  There are no longer any hard and fast rules as to "Who Pays for What", but a general guideline follows as to the traditional breakdown.

Traditional Breakdown of Expenses Wedding Gown, Headpiece & Accessories  The Bride's Family     Wedding Ring for Bride The Groom Wedding Ring for Groom  The Bride     Wedding Gift for Groom The Bride Wedding Gift for Bride The Groom Bridesmaid Gifts The Bride Groomsmen/Usher Gifts The Groom     Bride's Bouquet The Groom Bridesmaid Bouquets The Bride's Family Mother's Corsages The Groom Grandmother Corsages The Bride's Family Groom's Boutonniere The Groom Groomsmen Boutonnieres The Groom Usher's Boutonnieres The Groom Ceremony/Reception Flowers The Bride's Family     Altar Baskets/Arches The Bride's Family Canopy/Carpet The Bride's Family Kneeling Bench/Candleabrahs The Bride's Family Rented Items for Wedding The Bride's Family Rented Items for Reception The Bride's Family     Invitations/Announcements The Bride's Family Wedding Programs The Bride's Family Napkins/Matches/Printed Items The Bride's Family     Marriage License The Groom Medical Visit for Bride The Bride Medical Visit for Groom The Groom     Church Fee The Bride's Family Clergyman/Officiant Fee The Groom Musician/Soloist The Bride's Family Church Janitor The Bride's Family Reception Hall Fee The Bride's Family Catered Reception/Professional Services The Bride's Family     Wedding Photography The Bride's Family Video Photography The Bride's Family Orchestra/Band/DJ The Bride's Family     Wedding Cake The Bride's Family Wedding Favors The Bride's Family Groom's Cake The Groom's Family Rice Bags The Bride's Family     Rehearsal Dinner The Grooms Family Bridesmaid Luncheon The Bride Bachelor Party Best Man/Groom's Attendants Wedding Breakfast The Bride's Family Bridal Brunch The Bride's Family     Bridesmaid's Gowns Bridesmaid's Maid of Honor Gown Maid of Honor Matron of Honor Gown Matron of Honor Best Man Formal Wear Best Man Usher's Formal Wear Ushers Groomsmen's Formal Wear Groomsmen Gloves/Ties/Ascots for Attendants The Groom     Father of Bride Formal Wear Bride's Family Father of Groom Formal Wear Groom's Family Children's Formal Wear The Children's Parents     Limousine Service The Groom Honeymoon Arrangements The Groom Travel Expenses to the Wedding The Out-of-town Attendant or Family Member Accommodations for out-of town Guests The Bride Gifts for the Couple Guest, Attendants and Family

 

Responsibilities of the Mother of the Groom
The mother of the groom is often at a loss as to exactly what role she plays in the marriage of her son.  Tips for the mother of the groom. 

Responsibilities of the Mother of
the Groom

The mother of the groom is often at a loss as to exactly what role she plays in the marriage of her son. This is even more true when she has not participated previously in a wedding for a daughter or other sibling. The following rules of etiquette are shared to increase the joy and fulfil the traditional responsibilities of the mother of the groom.    

Her responsibilities include:

• The first rule of etiquette to be followed upon receiving news of the impending nuptials is to initiate contact between the families. Introducing herself and her husband to the bride's parents is her first responsibility.  This may be as simple as making a call to the bride's mother and telling her how happy she is about the engagement or an informal invitation to dinner at their home. If preferred, dinner at a nice restaurant is always in order. This may be with or without the couple in attendance.

 If the parents live far away, a friendly letter is appropriate. A snapshot of the family and maybe even one of her son as a small child is always welcomed by the bride's mother and is a kind gesture.

• The importance of providing an accurate and timely guest list can neither be over emphasized, nor the importance of sticking to the guidelines given her as to the number of guests she many invite.  Remember to include zip codes.
• It is the bride's mother who will first select a dress for her daughters wedding. A gown of complimentary color and similar styling is then chosen by the mother of the groom. She must wear long if the bride's mother wears long or short if she wears short.  The color should not match the bridesmaids, nor the brides' mother, but compliment both.
• Reservations for out-of-town guests, invited by the groom's family, are the responsibility of the mother of the groom. It will be much more convenient if a block of rooms are reserved at a nearby hotel, which is near her home. 
• It is the responsibility of the groom's parents to host the rehearsal dinner. This can be as simple as a salad potluck with paper plates in the backyard or as elaborate as an exotic dinner with live entertainment in the finest restaurant.  Everyone who takes a part in the ceremony is invited to the dinner.  It is proper etiquette to invite the spouse or significant other of those participating, and the parents of children in the wedding. 
• Scheduled family photographs, prior to the wedding, will dictate the groom's parents time of arrival. If photos are not scheduled to be taken before the ceremony, the arrival should be no less than one hour before the appointed time
• As the wedding begins, the groom's mother will be escorted down the aisle, to the first pew, right-hand side, by the head usher or a groomsman who is a family member.  A nice touch includes the groom escorting his mother down the aisle. As the groom's mother is escorted to her seat, her husband will follow along behind.  However, if the parents are divorced, the father of the groom will have been seated previously, two pews behind the mother. 
• The role as mother of the groom, in the ceremony, may include lighting the family candle on the altar, along with the mother of the bride.  Family candles are lit after the candle lighters have left the altar area, and prior to the entrance of the wedding party.
• The first official duty of the mother of the groom, during the reception is to stand in the receiving line greeting guests and introducing her friends and family to the bride and her family.    Traditionally she stands between the bride and her mother. If the fathers of the couple choose to stand in the line, she will stand between them.

• Be familiar with the responsibilities of the Maid of Honor. You may want to have a conversation with the Maid of Honor to coordinate and avoid stepping on each other's toes.

Responsibilities of the Mother of the Bride
The Primary responsibility of the Mother of the Bride. more
 

Responsibilities of the Maid of Honor
Find the 17 key responsibilities of the Maid of Honor. Click here

Responsibilities of the Best Man
Find the 21 key responsibilities of the Best Man. Click here
 

The Wedding Invitation
Helpful hints and examples. more
 

Save the Date Etiquette
As the world becomes a busier place, more and more couples are helping their  friends and family reserve their wedding date with Save-the-Date announcements.
 

The Wedding Dance
Dancing at your reception is a lovely way to bring an air of elegance and family togetherness. more
 

The Groom's Cake
The Tradition and Etiquette.
 

How To Write a Thank You Card
A few ideas to help you with this important task. more
 

Wedding Tipping
Tipping has always been a personal expression of gratitude for service given and appreciated. Find answers to your  questions about tipping.  more
 

Calling the Wedding Off
You have heard it said on more than one occasion, "better a broken engagement today, than a broken home tomorrow." When it becomes necessary to call the wedding off here are a few suggestions. More